So you’ve decided to homeschool. You chose your curriculum and gathered your supplies. Pencils are sharpened; lessons are planned. You know your children like no one else, and you know this is going to be great! But before you jump in, there is one more thing that will make schooling at home much more enjoyable for teacher and student alike. Invest time in teaching discipline before you begin instruction. Good teachers design rules, think of consequences and rewards to enforce the rules, and follow through.
The Newbie
Before you balk at the advice, understand that many of us have faced a scenario that goes something like this:
Imagine that you sit down with your four children at the kitchen table and begin with math. Right away second-grader Susie demands that you help her. She grabs your hand and starts pulling on it. “I need your help! I need your help!” she begins to whine. You bend down to take a look at the problem.
Meanwhile, Ten-year-old Todd throws up his arms, and yells, “Quit whining! I can’t concentrate.” He picks up his books in a huff and stomps off to the bedroom. But he also needs help and begins to shout questions from the bedroom. You hesitate for a moment wondering which child needs you more.
As you look around undecided, Toddler Timmy climbs up on the table and shoves one of Susie’s math manipulatives into his mouth.
In the middle of the chaos, John disappears outside somewhere. You wonder if he’s run off with the iPad. You pick up the toddler and walk around trying to find John. You begin yelling out every door, and then walk outside. “John! John! Get in here!” It takes 20 minutes to find him. He does have the iPad with him. He brings it back decorated with streaks of mud.
Meanwhile, Todd has discarded his math book in preference for his dart gun. He begins to shoot his sister, Susie. As you walk back into the house, you hear a mixture of screaming, yelling, and tears.
The day has just begun and already you’re exhausted. Anyone else have a similar experience?
You Can Do This!
Don’t give up just yet! You can do this!! You can manage your bills. You know how to manage a menu and feed your children. Your home may not be spotless, but I bet it’s sanitary. You probably did pick wonderful curriculum. You do know your children better than anyone else. You’ve managed to take care of them and the household so far. You can manage homeschooling as well. This can still be great!
Rules Are Part of Life
First of all, don’t feel badly about setting rules; they are part of life. Many rules protect us. My son is learning how to drive. He must learn the rules of the road before getting his license. I know that if he does not follow the traffic laws, he may get into a collation. For his safety and the safety of others, I want him to follow the rules.
Other rules make things fair. We all appreciate it when a referee at a football game or a basketball tournament calls a legitimate foul. The players know ahead of time how the game will be run. They make decisions accordingly. Rules make competitions fair. Rules are good for us.
When I first began teaching there was a push to let the students set the rules, however, this is not necessary. In fact, I prefer to set the rules for school without their input. I want to enjoy teaching for the long haul, and I know what behaviors I expect. Therefore, I design my rules accordingly. Your children will buy into the rules if they understand it is their responsibility for the good of everyone, rather than an order from a dictator.
When you introduce or explain the rules to your children, you can say something like, “I love you, and I want us to have a successful school year. Because I care for you, I am here to help you. One way I can help you be successful is by not allowing you to do anything that will interfere with your learning. We are working together this year. I have exciting things planned for you, and I want our time learning together to be enjoyable. I have designed a set of rules to make things go more smoothly.”
Rules should be written and posted so that you can continually refer to them. You can post them on a wall, make a copy for your student’s notebook, or have them copy them down into a notebook.
How to Construct Three to Five Rules:
Before you make a list of a gazillion rules, sit down in a quiet place and think. What is it that you want to accomplish in your homeschooling adventure? What three things would make the greatest difference? Or would make your life the easiest? Or make you the happiest? Don’t just copy someone else’s rules. You do know your children better than anyone else. You know the few items that will make the biggest difference. Limit your ideas to three to five things.
Prioritize
When I considered what bothered me about homeschooling my high schooler last year, there were two main problems that I wanted to address this year. Number one was the distraction of technology such as the iPod, texting, YouTube, and gaming issues. I understand that we live in a world where the use of technology is part of learning. In fact, my son took two classes over the Internet, and we use technology for educational purposes constantly. But even things that are beneficial can sometimes cause trouble. If I can address this issue, my son will be a more focused learner.
The second thing that bothered me was the mess. I am not a “sit at a desk and do your work” kind of teacher. My high schooler does some work at his computer desk, some on the couch, some at the kitchen table, and some in his bedroom. That doesn’t bother me. My complaint rests in the fact that books, paper, pencils, educational DVDs, and the remains of snacks are left in all four places. If I could address this matter, I would be a more relaxed parent-teacher.
Phrase Positively
Once you have thought about a few difficulties, think of a rule that would assist you in solving the problem. Write down your reflections, then try to phrase your rule in a positive way.
Not: Don’t get out of your seat.
Instead: Stay in your seat unless you have permission to get up.
Not: Don’t shoot your sister with a Nerf gun
Instead: Be kind
General vs Specific Rules:
Rules can be specific or more general. An example of a specific rule is, “Stay in your Seat unless you have permission to get up.” While “Be Kind” is an example of a general rule. Sometimes it’s in your best interest to have specific rules. Other times a general directive is better.
Specific Rules
Let me give you a few examples. For part of my career, I taught a bunch of boys who wanted to rough-house and wrestle. Even though it wasn’t malicious, I was afraid someone would get hurt, and let’s face it, boys tumbling all over the living room rug takes away from learning.
So, I made the following rule: “Keep your hands, feet, and other objects to yourself.” The “other objects” covered the use of “pencil swords” and flying paper balls. My husband still laughs at this rule, and you can chuckle, too, but it was just what I needed at the time.
Other specific rules include:
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- Listen and follow directions the first time they are given.
- Stay on task and do your best work
- The following is not allowed: Tattling, name calling or hitting.
The advantage of specific rules is that they are clear, to the point, and easy to enforce. The disadvantage is that you are limited to three to five rules. Therefore, you must know exactly what is most important to you.
General Rules
In contrast, the strength of a general rule is that one rule can cover many behaviors. This gives you the opportunity to discuss what that looks like for your family. “Keep your room clean” may be one household rule that you already have in place. This one directive can cover a multitude of actions such as picking up toys, making the bed, and putting laundry away. The exact definition of the rule is up to you. The disadvantage of a general rule is that your children will not know exactly what is expected until you explain and teach them.
Other examples of general rules include:
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- Speak politely.
- Wait your turn.
- Show good sportsmanship.
Both general and specific rules work best when you are willing to define and model what you are looking for.
Consequences:
Once you have come up with your list of three to five rules, you should also think of the consequences for breaking the rule. I like to think of logical consequences. If whining is not tolerated, then don’t respond to it. (I know that’s easier said than done.) Instead, you can say in the calmest voice possible, “I will be happy to listen to you when you can speak to me in a nice kind voice like the one I am using now.”
Running away from the table and hiding might have the consequence of being grounded. Shooting someone with a Nerf gun would mean the toy would be confiscated. Lack of work completion would require finishing up assignments during free time.
Just a warning, it is very difficult to change bad behavior. It takes time and consistency. If you are discouraged or having trouble in these areas, take a class, read a book, or ask someone who has been there. You might consider attending some sessions of Love and Logic. Seek out advice from other teachers and homeschoolers. I am not good on the fly, so I like to consider possibilities ahead of time and bounce ideas off of my husband and friends before making a final decision. Just be sure to follow through on whatever consequences you decide on.
Rewards:
Rewards don’t have to be expensive or elaborate. When schooling was going smoothly at home, we had time for fun activities and extracurricular pursuits. “Fun Fridays” included going on field trips with friends. If we were ahead on schoolwork, it was a treat to sleep in, bake muffins for breakfast, and start school late. One day a week, we might find time to meet up with friends at the park for Physical Education. And because my children were well behaved, we could be creative with art projects and weekly science experiments.
My Fall 2019 Rules:
So what did I come up with for my three rules for this school year?
Rule 1: During school time, technology may only be used for school assignments.
Explanation: Notice that this specific rule is phrased positively. In my house, this means no gaming or YouTube videos until all school work is completed. Video gaming and YouTube video time is limited to 30-60 minutes per day during the work week (unless we are watching something as a family). Special permission is needed for texting during school time, unless it is during a mid-morning break or lunch time.
Consequence: The consequence of breaking this rule will be that I will remove the distraction by taking away the technology and restricting its use even during free time.
Rewards: School doesn’t take all day because there are fewer interruptions. Assignments are completed on time. Our school week runs smoothly. I am not frustrated. Because the weather is still nice, we have time to enjoy outdoor activities like bike rides, walks, and kayaking. I take him to the local rock club so that he can go rock climbing with friends.
Modification: After discussing this rule with my son, I conceded that he could listen to music on Spotify while he worked.
Rule 2: Please put items away before moving on to another activity.
Explanation: This year, I want books etc., put away before moving on to other subjects or free time. No one can move to leisure activities, until things are picked up.
Consequence: Consequences include completing extra chores to make up for the mess or to compensate me for needing to pick up after him.
Rewards: Mom is happy because everything looks nice and clean. We can quickly find what we are looking for when we need it. He has less time spent in completing chores because things are regularly put away.
Rule 3: Keep track of your schedule and begin assignments early.
Explanation: This is my anti procrastination plea. Surprisingly, we don’t have a lot of trouble with this. My high schooler is very good at taking responsibility for his learning. But the truth of the matter is, we all tend to put off what we don’t want to do, and this declaration is a good reminder to get started while there is time to ask questions and get the work done well.
Consequence: The consequence of breaking this rule is a poor grade or not being able to attend a fun activity because school work needs to be completed instead. Sometimes “Saturday School” is needed to catch up on assignments.
Rewards: When we finish work early, there is time for technology, bike rides, kayaking, and other fun activities with friends.
A Few Final Notes:
Home is where we know we are loved unconditionally. It is where we relax and kick off our shoes. Therefore, schooling at home has some unique challenges. Children go play outside when they want. They grab a snack when they are hungry. They may feel entitled to your undivided attention. It is helpful to set homeschooling rules in place ahead of time to dictate how these everyday activities will look for your family during “school time”.
Furthermore, you know your children like nobody else, and the reverse is also true. They know you. Some children manipulate. As a homeschooling parent you must wear many hats. One of the hats is setting the tone for learning. “School” rules help with that.
In conclusion, when students follow the rules, the parent/teacher feels less frustrated and can be more creative. Children feel secure when they know what’s expected. They feel safe when they know that rules are in place. Everyone benefits from good rules. We all have more fun when we “play by the rules.”
What rules do you have in place? Feel free to share your thoughts below.
